HE LOVES ME. HE REALLY, REALLY LOVES ME!!

God is so amazing and I am so amazed at the depths and heights and lengths of His great love for me. He finds little ways in a time of my life that is trying and troublesome to remind me of his love for me. To reassure me, build me up and encourage me. Small gestures made by people around me that I know come straight from God and I feel so blessed and humbled.

I feel so spoiled and I almost feel like I don’t deserve these small gestures and gifts – but through them He is saying to me: “Hey, I love you. I really, really love you. You are my child and I care for you so deeply. I know times are a little hard right now, but just remember I am always, always here for you. I will never leave your side. You are precious in my sight, the apple of my eye. And I love you. Did you hear me? I. LOVE. YOU.”

 

I cannot express in words the gratitude, humbleness and deep love I have for my Saviour. I am so moved by His love and touched by His grace and it leaves me speechless, breathless and singing my thanks and honour.

 

I love You Lord

And I lift my voice

To honour You

Oh my soul, rejoice.

Take joy my King

In what You hear

Let it be a sweet, sweet sound

In Your ear

 

I love You Lord

And I lift my voice

To honour You

Oh my soul, rejoice.

Take joy my King

In what You hear

Let it be a sweet, sweet sound

In Your ear

 

Let it be a sweet, sweet sound in Your ear

 

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!!!

So the Bokke took the World Cup. It was a tense game – but we prevailed and came out tops. We took Player of the Year, Coach and team of the Year!! We watched the game at Madams house and had a lamb on the spit and the build up to the game.

It was an amazing experience when we all stood to sing our national Anthem together and to have so many people in one room cheering the Bokke was almost overwhelming. We cheered and clapped and booed and chanted!!!

And there were GREAT celebrations when we won. There were tears of joy in many of the supporter’s eyes.

 

Today our Bokke arrived home and there were at least 2000 people at the airport to welcome them all home. I don’t know if they were even a little prepared for the welcome that was waiting for them. They deserve it, every moment of lime light and celebration.

 

Starting on Friday they will have the Ticker Tape parades in Johannesburg, Pretoria and all over. It is all so terribly exciting!!!

 

I am so Proudly South African at this moment that I am convinced my blood is running green through golden veins!!

 

Bokke – we love you!!!

Well done, I am so proud of you all!

 

RUGBY WORLD CUP FEVER

Ok so the Rugby World Cup final is looming. South Africa vs. England. I am SO very proud of our Bokke for coming as far as they have. And I am very optimistic, history shows a total of 29 matches between SA and England, with 16 wins to SA and 12 to England and only 1 draw. I am feeling very positive as we have made it to the final without ONE loss throughout the entire World Cup!! Plus we beat England 36 – 0 in one World Cup match already.

This is going to be a HUGE game and I am so excited about it. I will be going to the airport to welcome our Boys home when they land and bring home the Gold!! I truly think that the World Cup is even bigger than the Olympics in South Africa, I will never forget the 1995 victory – it was SO amazing and such a proud moment for South Africa.

I am glad we are playing England and not France, playing the home team on home ground with a home crowd in a World Cup Final can be quite daunting, so I am very happy with the way things are looking, and very very excited.

 

GO BOKKE!!!!

 

“WE SHALL NEVER SURRENDER!! “

 

I AM BEHIND YOU 200%

 

My blood is green!!!

 

 

RUGBY WORLD CUP

Ok, for those of you not following the Rugby World Cup Australia and New Zealand are both out. I am proud to say that South Africa is in to the semis!! We will be playing Argentina on Sunday the 14 October.

 

The entire World Cup has been very exciting, and France played a fantastic game against NZ. The teams left are England, France, SA and Argentina. Argentina has been a strong, strong team right from the beginning and has played very well. SA has beaten England once already in the matches leading up to the Semis, we clobbered them 36 – 0.

 

So I am saying good luck to the four teams left in the Semis and I am really praying that SA bring home the Gold!!

 

I am very excited and nervous for our next game – but I have faith in our boys and it was obvious in our last game that we have a few little secrets and tricks waiting for the Argentineans. It has been thrilling up to now and I am sure it is going to be thrilling right to the very end!!! There is still much more action and excitement to come, and I am looking forward to it with GREAT antici……………………………….pation!!

 

I am rooting for our boys in the Green and Gold!!

 

GIVE IT HORNS BOYS!!!!!   YEEEHAAAAAAAAA!!!

 

HIER KOMMIE BOKKE!!

 

HIER KOMMIE BOKKE!!

 

 

BOKKE!

 

BOKKE!

 

BOKKE!

 

GO BOKKE!!!!!!

WHERE HAVE I BEEN...

Well, lets see. I can no longer access any blogs from work anymore. Which is a problem cause that’s where I blog blogged from. I have not been able to visit any blogs, so I have NO idea what you are all up to or how you all are either. I miss it all so very much and feel like a huge part of my life has gone on vacation/missing in action/ceased to exist…

 

Anyhoo. Life has been rather busy besides that. I have had Donovan at doctors to test for AD/HD. He doesn’t have a problem with the school work. His reading and writing and spelling etc is fine. He does, however, have a problem sitting still or keeping quiet. And it is this that is driving his teacher a bit batty. There is not a bad relationship between him and his teacher and he is happy in his family life too. So no emotional problems either. (phew!)

We have not yet decided on a medication to use for him yet, it is after-all a big decision and not one to be taken lightly or made hastily.

We also took him to have his eyes tested and he has Astigmatism. So he will be getting spectacle (much to his delight I might add). He chose a very cute blue frame and is rather miffed that he will have to wait a week to get them. LOL!!!

I think that there will already be a HUGE difference for his teacher once he gets his glasses. Because, I think, once he can see better I think his behavior will improve a little too.

Yesterday I took Mark’s cell phone away from him because he refuses to put a ring tone on it. It is always on silent and so he never hears it when it rings, and as a result you can’t get hold of him. It is maddening to say the least. And when I told him to put a ring tone in he got very defiant and challenging about it so I took it. I haven’t decided yet if I am going to give it back, and he has not yet changed his attitude and until that happens I won’t even consider giving it back.

I am all “Kidded Out”. I am up to my eyeballs with my three boys at this point. Donovan who NEVER stops arguing with me (and drives me to desperation), Mark who is extremely stubborn and defiant, and Sean – well he doesn’t really give me any trouble at all except that he never speaks up when he needs something until the very last minute.

I am on the verge of packing a little bag and getting on the next bus, taxi, plane or train to anywhere!! Preferably a Spa or a hotel where there is Room Service!

PLUS it’s that time of the month too so everything seems 1000 times worse than it really is to me at this point. And I won’t even get started on my husband – that is another million and one posts all on their own. Maybe I should start another blog where I can gripe about him…   mmm, something to think about….

 

Technically this post should be titled “SHE’S GONNA BLOW!!”, but I figured I would start with an explanation of where I have been before launching into my rant. LOL !!!

 

Pray for me, jokes aside I am feeling a little emotional and silly and your prayers will mean so much to me.

 

Miss you all, please don’t forget me. I think of you all everyday!!

 

PREPARATION & PERSEVERANCE

When the young couple asked me to photograph their wedding a few months ago I was very uncertain of myself. I have never photographed a wedding and I was terrified of the huge responsibility that was going to be upon me. I had no confidence in myself or my abilities – but this young couple clearly did. There was even a time when I thought I would tell them I couldn’t do it, but I just couldn’t do that to them. And then God said to me that He knows something that I don’t. He said I should trust Him and preserver. So I began a process of preparation. I sat and made lists of all the “must take” pictures and I asked God to help me with the creative ideas of what to take too. I had many ideas and I was beginning to feel more and more confident that I could actually do this. As the day approached I spent more time in prayer about it and felt sure and confident that I would be able to do it. I was no longer nervous or afraid and I was ready. I was equipped with the right tools, and I asked God for energy and creativity and vision. I went to the salon the day of the wedding where the bride was having her hair done and from there to the end of the day it was smooth sailing. I took hundreds of photos and didn’t have time to really do all the shots I wanted to do but I went home feeling exhausted and with a deep sense of satisfaction and happiness.And this spoke to me of how we need to prepare to be part of Gods army. We need to know what He wants us to do and ask Him to strengthen us and spend time studying His word and praying. We must make sure we are equipped for battle and that we don’t run onto the battle field without our sword or without our armor. If we spend time preparing for battle we will be ready and we will be confident and we will know that we will able to do whatever he calls us to do. We will not doubt our strength or abilities. And we will be able to just trust Him.

It also spoke to me of persevering. I could have let my fear get the better of me and I could have decided I was not going to do it. I could have believed the lies I was hearing about myself from the enemy and been convinced that I had no experience in such a thing and therefore I would never be able to do it. I could have given up even before I began. I could have surrendered and never experienced the wonderful feeling of joy and satisfaction that I was feeling. If we allow ourselves to be intimidated we will miss out on the wonderful blessing and rewards God has for us, remember God will not call us do something that is easy. He will call on us t do something we don’t think we can do because then we will have to rely on Him to see us through and we will see His power at work in us and we will give Him all the glory for what He has done. I am so glad that I didn’t give up because I have never done something that I loved and that was so rewarding as that wedding. And that is what the enemy is trying to steal from us. He never wants us to grow in Christ and experience the sense of victory and fulfillment we have when we put our trust in Jesus and complete the task He has called us to, no matter how hard or impossible or huge it may seem to us. Even if it may seem like a small victory to us, it is HUGE in the eyes of heaven and of the enemy. He never wants us to experience them, and he will use every lie and trick in the book to ensure we don’t.

So, preparation is important because it builds us up in faith and in strength, and when we prepare we will be able to persevere, and we will experience the awesome victory and joy that there is in Christ alone.

Prepare and Persevere, God wants to use each one of us. Listen for His voice – and let Him lead you through to victory! You can do anything in Christ who strengthens you.

Anything!!!

Thank you Father for opening this door for me and for leading me. Thank you Lord Jesus for Your encouragement and for never letting me quit. Use me Lord, use me in any way. Thank you for revealing a talent to me that I never realised I had and for allowing me to use it to Your glory. Thank you for the relationships and friendships I have developed through using the gift You gave to me. I praise You Lord for the wonderful lessons I am learning as I grow in You. Let me be always prepared and ready to be used by You whenever You call on me.

I love you Lord!

Amen

WHO COULD HAVE IMAGINED?

You all will never ever guess what I did on Saturday the 1st of September. Go on, guess… You can’t, well I wouldn’t have been able to either. And I never pictured myself doing something like this either.
Ok, I’ll tell you what I did and put you all out of your misery and suspense. I photographed a wedding. Yes, ME, ‘lil old me. I was the wedding photographer!! And let me tell you – I LOVED it!!! I have never done anything that has been so fulfilling and amazing as that. I was exhausted when I got home – physically, but I felt so deeply satisfied and happy.

About three weeks ago I suddenly realised that I was going to be photographing this wedding and I started to panic – seriously. I didn’t know where to begin or what to do. And I almost chickened out too. But I felt God telling me that this was something He wanted me to do. And that maybe this was something he knew about me that I would never have imagined. Go really works in wonderful ways. So I began to plan and make lists of what pictures would need to be taken, and where and who and and and….

Anyway, I was up early on Saturday morning and met the bride at the salon where she was having her hair done and took some lovely shots there. From there we went to the house where she was getting dressed and I photographed the bridesmaids etc there to. Then off to the church and all the major photos of the ceremony – the vows, the rings, kiss the signing of the register and all that important stuff. And then all the family shots thereafter and all the important things at the reception – the speeches, cutting the cake, first dance and all that. And of course pictures with all the people there.

I cannot wait to share some photos with you all here – as soon as I am able to download them I will do so. And I will definitely do it again – there is no doubt about in my mind about that. As exhausting as it was – it was so fulfilling and special.
I never saw myself photographing a wedding – but clearly God saw it happening, and I am so happy that He did.

WHERE IS YOUR HOLY SPIRIT DOVE?

Yesterday I sat under the awesome teaching of the one and only Mr RT Kendall. What he spoke about has made me change such a small yet vital part of me. I am going to share with you what he taught us last night – so please, these are not my words, I am simply passing on a message to get you all thinking too – but I will put it in my own words as I don’t have much time.

He spoke about The Sensitivity of The Holy Spirit and he read this portion in Matthew where Jesus gets baptised: As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and remained with him. We all know that verse quite well, but have you ever noticed the word REMAINED before?? I never really did either.

You see a dove is a shy, easily scared, easily grieved little bird. It is nothing like a pigeon who is belligerent. A dove is afraid of people, a pigeon is not. A dove will fly away if there is a sudden noise, a pigeon wont easily. You can train a pigeon, but not a dove.

Now the Dove symbolizes the Holy Spirit and RT said that the Holy Spirit is also as sensitive as the dove. He is easily wounded and easily grieved. When we feel the presence of the Holy Spirit with us we feel like that is the place where want to stay forever, but it doesn’t last long does it? Why? Because the moment we are curt with our husbands or wives – the dove flies away. The moment we get irritated with the driver on the road ahead of us the dove flies away. The moment we gossip the dove flies away. Jesus never grieved the Holy Spirit, because He only did what God told Him to do. Nothing else, only that.

How do we keep the dove from staying away? Repent. We want the dove to stay with us.

As humans our flesh is week and we will grieve the Holy Spirit many times a day – but instant repentance and seeking forgiveness for the grievance – however small – that has caused Him to leave. If we repent quickly of these things then we will stay in the presence of the Holy Spirit more and more each day.

Now grieving the Holy Spirit does not mean you lose your salvation, but you do lose your anointing and without that anointing we can not be used powerfully by God to advance His kingdom.

If you know that you have done something, anything, to grieve or wound the Holy Spirit – repent. Ask God for His wonderful forgiveness and ask the Holy Spirit to remain with you again. And don’t wait too long to repent after you have done something, because the longer you leave it, the longer you put off receiving your anointing again, and the less God will be able to use you.

MY HOPE

I realized this morning, that I am putting my hope in events and times and places and people instead of in the Lord. In some things I have placed my hope in Him – but in one big thing I have only half placed my hope in Him. I am waiting for something to happen. Praying and trusting and hoping for something to happen – but instead of placing all my hope in Him I have placed some of it in the day that this event will take place. And I know the time for it is near so I hope ever more on that day – yet this is such a futile and fruitless thing to do.

Isa 40:31: but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (NIV)
Here it is clearly stated. If I hope in Him for this event I will not grow weary and doubtful that it will ever happen. As difficult as this is, I will make start from now to place my Hope in Him alone and not in the actual event.

Thank you Dineen for this lesson. I didn't see it at first, but I get it now.

MY HOPE (Hillsong)
You are righteous, you love justice
And those who honor You will see Your face
I will arise, and lift my eyes to see
Your majesty, Your holiness.
All I am will bless You

My hope is in the name of the Lord
Where my help comes from
You’re my strength my song
My trust is in the name of the Lord
I will sing Your praise
You are faithful

A HEART ABLAZE

My heart is burning with the desire to know God more. I have experienced His grace in the recent months that has awoken in me a longing after Him and a thirst and a want that cannot be sated – even by Him. I have discovered a well of longing in me that will never be filled and will leave me always seeing more of Him. There is deep crying out to deep that only another longing heart will understand.
He showed me His amazing grace and never in all the years of being a Christian have I experienced such a longing in my soul. It is so difficult to put into words what my heart is feeling. I hope I can get it across in this post.

Psalm 42: 1 ... As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God.
I now can understand the heartfelt yearnings and songs and poems of David. He put into words his longing to know God better. I want to go deeper into His word, to peal away the layers and unfold the mysteries and promises “hidden” there.

I feel like I have found a new love, like I am falling in love for the first time, I want to spend every hour of the day with Him – and every opportunity I have I spend it with Him. He fulfills my desire, my deepest longing.

I pray that your desire for God and for a deeper and real relationship with Him will be awakened in your heart. I pray that you will remember the sweetness of the day you were saved and how natural it was to pursue the lover of your soul.

A.W Tozer said this in his book “The Pursuit of God”
…before a man can seek God, God must first have sought the man…
… there must have been a work of enlightenment done within him; imperfect it may be, but a true work nonetheless, and the secret cause of all desiring and seeking and praying which may follow. We pursue God because, and only because, He has first put an urge within us that spurs us to the pursuit.

We love Him only because He has loved us first. It is not a legalistic thing of spending “so many” minutes / hours a day with Him, or a rigid schedule of prayer and Bible reading, no. It is being in His presence whether you pray or not and whether you read your Bible or not. Just being in His presence will enlighten (open) the eyes of your heart and He will reveal His heart and secrets to you in that place. I pray that God sets your hearts ablaze too, that you can experience His heart as I have been

This is a prayer for you, also from Tozers book:

O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need of further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, that so I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, 'Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.' Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long. In Jesus' name, Amen.

WISDOM AND REVELATION

Most of you know that I have just recently experienced a time of facing giants and of hardship. But I have to share with you that since I have come through that very difficult time I have been changed on the inside. I have a desire to read my Bible like I have never experienced before. And God is revealing such wonderful things to me in His word.
In fact just yesterday God reveled a piece of scripture to me that I can pray for my husband. I am so excited, and quite amazed. It is a piece of scripture that I have read over a dozen time before yet never really saw it.

It is Eph 1 : 16 – 19 and it reads:
I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints and His incomparably great power for us who believe.

Let me break it down
I have not stopped giving thanks for you – God is saying to me that I must be thankful for the husband that I have and not grumble about silly things. I must give thanks for him!!

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. – This is exactly what I want for him – but never quite new how to ask for it. A spirit of wisdom and revelation is exactly it!! I couldn't have put it better myself.

that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you – This is especially awesome because I know what he has been called to. God has shown me the plans He has for him and I cannot wait for it all to happen!! And for him to finally know how powerfully God is going to use him to advance His Kingdom.

I mean, isn't this just amazing?? This is exactly what I so badly want for my husband. Not for me (anymore) but for Gods kingdom and for himself. Wisdom and revelation are the most wonderful things you can ask for. And I just shared this very same verse with that young lady I told you about in my previous post and she was encouraged by it too. I really feel that this is a powerful scripture to pray over a loved one who is not saved.
And, it is a prayer I can pray for my children and for myself so that we can know God better too.

Isn’t God good?

GOD USES EVERY SITUATION TO HIS GLORY

I think most of you know that my husband is not saved right? Well that said when I began praying for him I set off (unknowingly) on a journey of learning and growth. And I can tell you that I have truly learned so very much about myself that I never would have imagined.

When I started praying, I imagined God would be reckoning with my husband about himself, but instead He has been reckoning with me and gently teaching me how to pray correctly for my husband. How to be submissive and obedient to my husband and how to show him the respect and love he deserves as my husband.

But the most amazing thing that is starting to show in my life through what I have learned on my journey is that God is using what I have learned through him to help other women who are “spiritually unequal” (Thanks Lynn – I love the way you put it on your blog title). I just spent about 20 minutes sharing and talking to a young girl whose husband is not saved, and simply sharing the things I have learned over the years with her. It was the most amazing time and after I shared that famous verse in 1 Peter 3 about how we as wives will win our unbelieving husbands over for Christ by how we live and without opening our mouths, she asked me does she do that? How does she live out that verse? And all I could tell her was ask God to show you. And she flung her arms around my neck and gave me such a hug, that I was almost moved to tears (again). I managed to control my tears and shared a little more with her – but I know I have imparted something to her that will remain in her heart. And THAT is what makes everything I have learned, every tear every prayer and every hurt so worth while.

God is taking my life and using me as an example and I feel so honored and so blessed to be used by him in such a way. And I give Him all the glory for the wonderful things He is doing in my life!

Thank you Jesus

WE SPEAK TO NATIONS - or do we...??

A week ago a lady who works with me went out to do outreach. They went to little towns surrounding the Netherlands – if I have my facts right. She said it was such an eye opener. They worked on a door to door method and had questioners with questions on to ask the people about the Bible and about Jesus etc. She says that these people don’t any idea about the Bible and that someone said it was just fairy tales. They don’t really know who Jesus is either and the scariest part is that they aren’t bothered by the fact that they have no idea where they are going when they die.

And you know what struck me? It was this: (and I hope I make this clear…)

When we hear about outreaches and about mission work it conjures up pictures of people going to extreme places. Countries where there is starvation, sickness, death, destruction from war. Of far off places where the natives have not heard about Jesus. We imagine working with homeless children, people who live on the streets etc. Right? And this is good. We must as Christians reach out to these people and places. But what about 1st world countries like Europe and all the little towns therein? I was suddenly hit with the thought / revelation that because these countries are so very beautiful and have such steady financial structure and the unemployment rate is very low, the homeless children are not nearly as many as in Africa, there is no destruction or war, that maybe they have been forgotten by the saints. I thought that maybe because these people don’t struggle as in other countries that we take it for granted that they are ok with God too. And maybe the people living there don’t realize how much they need Jesus either because it is well with them?

And I was suddenly aware that God commissioned us to go into ALL nations to reach ALL people and tell them the Good News about Jesus. And maybe in those places where there is suffering you will find Jesus is loved and worshipped far more than in countries where there is no suffering. But I say why wait? Why should we wait for it to go badly in a place before we try to reach them with the Good News? If these people can be made aware of Jesus and His love and forgiveness and sacrifices for them now then greater will be their reward!!

All people in all places and all situations and of every race and colour and tongue should be reached out to. Rich or poor, suffering or prosperous, God is not partial and does not show favouritism. He loves us all – regardless. And He wants us ALL to know and love him too.

Rom 8:19 The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed

THAT’S US!!! We are the sons and daughters of God and the world is the creation. They are waiting for us. They are waiting for something better, and we have it. Jesus Christ. And we need to do whatever it takes to spread His Good News. It starts at home. But if you have to defy comfort and convenience to go into the nations then do it! And if you get sent by God into the 1st world nations then go!

Go and reach the nations and tell them of the Good News.

FINDING PEACE

OK, so you all know that I have been going through something tough lately. And you have all been so wonderful and your encouraging comments and prayers have really been a comfort. So I just wanted to share with you all that I have recently experienced a deep sense of peace...

I have been wondering how to explain it and I found this wonderful phrase "something settled in my soul" over at Terri's blog. And that was it in a nutshell. Something has settled in my soul and I know deep down that I have made it through the darkest parts and whatever comes in the future I will be able to handle it. I am stronger, wiser and more in touch with my God and my self.

I am at peace and the turmoil that was in my heart has subsided. I have spent a lot of time in prayer and seeking the Lords comforting presence, and I know it is only through him that I have handled things the way I did. I am not sure that I am being very clear or that I am getting my message across here. I just know I am growing spiritually because of this, and the peace of Jesus that passes all understanding which He speaks of in John 14 : 27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

This is the peace that I am experiencing...

YAY! A BOOK GIVE AWAY!

Karen over at Karen’s Ramblings is having an awesome book give away draw. It looks like a really amazing book and coming from a woman like Karen who really does have the most amazing prophetic dreams – it must be a good read.
Karen is a woman who spends a lot of time at the feet of Jesus, basking in His laight and feeding off his word.
Her blog is really good food for thought as well as a place where I have often found encouragement.

Go on over and check out her blog and put your name in a comment on this post: Karens-book-giveaway to be entered into the draw.

BE THOU MY VISION

This thing of “vision” is coming through SO powerfully lately – almost daily.

Peter said in his message on Sunday that if I am struggling with something, I have lost my vision. And I can tell you I have been struggling heavily with a burden I thought could never be lifted.
But when I heard this I heard God’s voice almost at the exact same time saying that my heartache and pain and depression was clouding my vision of Him. It was coming between Him and I. Pete also said that anything you focus on more than God is your vision. So if you are not focusing on Him – He is not your vision. I had lost my vision completely and I had sunk so deep into my emotions and I was allowing them to take over. I could actually see the cloud of grey and gloom hanging around me – and I could not see His light.

What a revelation this was for me in the place where I was. Almost drowning in my pain. I went home and asked God to forgive me for allowing these things to get in the way of my vision of Him. And I have been making Him my vision daily since then and it has been the most healing and touching time with God that I can remember. He has lead me down a path of learning to pray for blessing in abundance over the lives of the people who caused me pain and instead of looking back to the darkness I am emerging out of I continue to look forward and upward to Him as my Light and my Vision. And once again this song that left me unable to sing for tears at the Leadership Training Time in Bloemfontein last year is still a song that speaks great volumes to my heart

Be Thou My Vision
Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart
Naught be all else to me save that thou art
Thou my best thought by day or by night
Waking or sleeping thy presence my light

Be thou my wisdom and thou my true word
I ever with thee and thou with me, Lord
Thou my great Father and I thy true Son
Thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one.

Be thou my battle shield, sword for the fight
Be thou my dignity, thou my delight
Thou my soul's shelter and thou my high tower
Raise thou me heavenward, O power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise
Thou mine inheritance, now and always
Thou and thou only the first in my heart
High King of heaven, my treasure thou art.

High King of heaven, when the battle is won
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's sun
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall
Still be my vision, O ruler of all.

"For without Vision, my people will perish"

HIS PRESENCE

This morning I was so moved again by my Lord. I have not been in the best place for a few weeks now, and I have been really clinging to Him and holding on to Him and spending time at his feet. This weekend I had time alone at home and I put on my worship cds and just worshipped Him. This morning in my office I put on my music in my office because I have felt lifted up out of the nasty place when in worship and I decided I am not going to listen to anything else today but worship. I know He is with me and I can feel His presence – lately though a little stronger than most times. Then just now a lady came in from the factory to bring me a little bottle to send on an overnight courier – and after she gave me the bottle she just stood quietly next to me. She said that if felt good in my office, the “atmosphere” was pleasant. She said she didn’t want to leave. Eventually she had to leave, but did so reluctantly. Now, my office is not warm or expensively furnished. I have only a small little bar heater which takes ALL day to warm my office. So I know that the warmth and peace she was feeling is God’s presence. When she did leave I was left with tears streaming down my cheeks. He is so amazing and He is with me in such a way that even other people can feel His presence. Imagine what it will be like to be with Him in heaven one day. If His presence is so overwhelming while we are still on earth – how will it feel to be standing in that place in heaven?

This song captures that for me so beautifully.

I CAN ONLY IMAGINE (by Mercy Me)


I can only imagine
what it will be like
when I walk by Your side.

I can only imagine
what my eyes will see
when Your face, is before me.
I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory
what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for You Jesus
or in aw of You be still?
Will I stand in Your presence
or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing hallelujah?
Will I be able to speak at all?

I can only imagine….
I can only imagine.

I can only imagine
when that day comes
and I find myself,
standing in the sun.

I can only imagine
when all I would do
is forever, forever worship You

I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory
what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for You Jesus
or in aw of You be still?
Will I stand in Your presence
or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing hallelujah?
Will I be able to speak at all?

I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory
what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for You Jesus
or in aw of You be still?
Will I stand in Your presence
or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing hallelujah?
Will I be able to speak at all?

I can only imagine
when all I would do
is forever, forever worship You

I can only imagine


Thank you Lord for being with me in such an awesome way.

THE HARDEST THING

This forgiveness thing is so much harder than I though it would be. True forgiveness is by far the hardest thing to do. True forgiveness means that once you have forgiven some one for whatever they did that you then do not tell other people of it and you ask God to not to keep a record of that persons wrong either. Because telling of it over and over again only keeps you bitter. Telling of it over and over again makes it harder to let go and forgive the wrong. And for us as Humans, this is so difficult to do because we love to wallow in our pain and tell other people how terribly we are suffering. We want pity and comfort from other people because we feel like we deserve it and we need it. Did Jesus behave that way on the cross? Did He ever tell anyone how badly He was suffering and want people to feel sorry for Him? Even in the garden of Gethsemane He only cried out to God, not to His disciples, and not to gain pity either. Why do we find it so hard to follow His example?
It is so hard and I find myself struggling through this, and I feel so week because I think of Jesus on the cross asking His Father to forgive the people who were killing him. He died so that we all could be forgiven – yet I am struggling with this at this point in my life. It is confusing because I know that I have forgiven, but I still hurt. And I am coming to the realization that we all sustain wounds through life’s battles. We all get hurt and cause hurt. Some of those hurts leave scars and some of them never completely heal up. I know why forgiveness is important it is something that I consider the very foundation of Christianity. It is highlighted over and over again in the Bible – look here: (I found these on “Right To The heart of Women”)

* We’re to love our neighbor as ourselves, including our enemies. Matthew 5:44

*If we want to be forgiven, we must forgive. Matthew 6:12, 24, 15

*Unforgiveness hinders our prayers. Matthew 5:23, 24 0

*We are not to be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. One of the ways we overcome is by forgiving the evil. Romans 12:21

*“Great rewards” and blessing are promised to those who practice forgiveness. Luke 6: 35, Matthew 5:7

*Forgiveness is commanded — seventy times seven — which means always! Matthew 18:21, 22

*Forgiveness illustrates the love of God, making us “children of our Father.” Matthew 5:45

*Forgiveness demonstrates maturity in Christ. Matthew 5:48

*If we are unforgiving, we are no better than our enemies. Matthew 5: 46, 47

*Forgiveness shows discretion and “glory.” Proverbs 19:11

Look at these quotes:

Remember: Those who have something to forgive are the bleeding victims. The only place they will ever find healing and help is at the feet of Jesus. Those who need to ask for forgiveness will need His Divine help to do it. – Rebekah Montgomery

“Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hate. It is a power that breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness. He who cannot forgive others, breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass.” - Corrie Ten Boom

“Forgiveness is an act of the will and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.” - Corrie Ten Boom

“Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.” - Anne Lamott from Traveling Mercies

I have forgiven – yes, I know in my heart that I have forgiven. But I am still dealing with the hurt, and I am afraid that the hurt will cause bitterness again. So I am asking God to take captive my thoughts and feelings so that I don’t find myself picking up that unforgiveness again.

And yet my problem seems so small when I compare it to the amount of forgiveness and compassion Jesus showed that day when He was crucified. He forgave and never recalled again or spoke of those He had forgiven. He found His comfort in God. I think that is such an amazing example to follow and I am going to try harder to follow that example and cry out to Jesus in my times of fear and pain – and not to people.

So in conclusion, forgiveness is never easy, but it is vitally necessary. Without it we would not have eternal life. We need to forgive to be forgiven and to be set free from the burdens of bitterness and grief and pain. Jesus never told us that life as a Christian would ever be easy, but He did say He would be there with us every step of the way – and that is why He sent us His Spirit – and it is because of His Spirit who was sent to help us that we can overcome all things, and forgive even the hardest things. He did it, and that means we can do it too.

BRRRRRRRR

It has snowed in JHB, here are some pictures of the areas in JHB that had snow last night. We had rain last night and I live in the last town before you hit Midrand and today it is freezing outside. My husband works in Roodepoort and when he got there this morning he phoned me very excited to tell me there was snow everywhere!! People who live that side and drive here to work had cars covered in snow! Places like Alberton, Auckland Park, Germiston – the whole of JHB had snow!! Check out theses pictures.

My sister says they had about 5cm of snow on their plot!! She says it is SO beautiful and she didn't want to go to work, she wanted to stay in her winter wonderland for a while. LOL!!

I ROCK!!!

According to my sister that is, so much so that she gave me this award!! She thinks I rock, which to me is totally awesome!!! Cause I think she rocks!! So, I give this award right back to you too – only you can call it “The Rockin Sister” award.

Thanks my sweet sis, you made my day with this award, but technically this award should go to God, cause without Him I would not be able to deal with things the way I do. It is only through His agape love that I am able to love my boys and treat their mom like family – to use your words. I simply see it like this: She has no money, she misses her kids and she is on all kinds of medication too. So why make things worse? And, those boys never asked for a divorce or for a step mom or even to be here – they are the innocent ones and they deserve to be happy. And if I can make them happy, then I am happy.

But if not for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ – none of this would have worked out this way. It is only because of His wisdom and guidance that it did. And I give ALL glory to Him!!

He is my ROCK!!

And now I get to nominate some bloggers too, so here goes – in no particular order:

Gail at Blessed Be Your Name
This is one very special lady. She is a Christian and an inspiration. She doesn’t allow anything to stand in the way of her faith and growing.

Bunny Girl at Razors Edge Of Insanity
This lady is very talented. She writes the most amazing poetry and allows us to see into her heart. She too is a Christian and she is clings to Jesus in her journey of growth.. Her honesty and openness is refreshing and thought provoking.

Dawn Dawn at Dawn-Unplugged
Yes, I know she got this from Angel too, but this is a lady who totally Rocks!! She is a South Affie living in New Jersey and she is a HUGE inspiration to me. She faces life head-on and never backs down from a challenge. She is a precious friend and has become an important person in my life.

Karen at Karen's Ramblings
This lady is a powerful prayer. She spends a lot of time in God’s throne room and even though she is far away I can always feel it when she is praying for me too. She is being used by God – more than I think she realizes and her dreams and visions are always so amazing. There is always something there for me to learn from – and very often a message just for me.

Updated to say:

Mommy Darling sent me the following e-mail and asked me to please post it. This is for me, Angel, Genny, Dawn and even for Madam or Sister C as she is known on Angels blog. Ladies, this is for you from Mommy Darling (get your tissues out girls):

If I could give awards I would give them to -

Angel for being an amazing eldest sibling and a very precious daughter – in short I would give her A ROCKIN ANGEL AWARD!

Then I would give Spookie an award for being an amazing daughter and keeping so faithful - her life is a witness of her love for Jesus – to you sweetest child –
A ROCKIN WARRIOR AWARD!

Then to Genny – sweet Gen – so loyal, so tough, so true always! Thank you for being so precious. A TRUE FOREVER FRIEND AWARD!

To dearest Dawn Unplugged – my award to you would be THE BIGGEST HEART OF LOVE AWARD!

Because sister C does not blog does not mean I don’t want her to have STRONGEST AND BRAVEST CHICK AWARD!

You are all amazing women and I am honoured that you have touched my life!
As ever,
MOM

And to you Mommy Darling, I know all the girls would agree with me, you totally get the ROCKIN -EST MOM, FRIEND, MENTOR, SUPA CHICK AWARD!!

Love you too - SO much!!!

THIS IS MY VERSION OF ME!! LOL!!

Check out this web site blessthischick it's so much fun! You create your own little icon of you with all the goodies that are provided and then you have it e-mailed to your e-mail address! I found it over at Karen's blog, and decided I had to try it out too.


I think it's just really cute!

THIS IS FOR YOU ANGEL

I told you I would put up some Patrick Dempsey pictures for you, remember? Well here they are (Tada!!!). I couldn't find any of him "topless" but I can assure you he is very nicely built too. If I had more time I would've surely found some of those - maar nou ja!


And of course Matthew McHONEY, he is still my favourite favourite - better by far than Brad... (heh heh). I think his best attribute is his voice and his accent - I could listen to him aaallllll day.

Mm! Liewe Jesus het beslis die volle nege maande op die twee gewerk nê!!

THANK YOU

Look at my beautiful new blog!!! My amazing sister Angel did this for me. She changed her blog and I asked if she could do mine for me too and she was happy to help. (By help I mean do everything for me….)
I chose a picture and she did the rest. Isn’t she just SO clever?
Angel, I love this new look! It is so pretty. No, not pretty – GAWJISSSSSS (new word I learned from you - he he)
Thank you for doing this for me, I really needed a bit of a change. And the blue roses are just so me – you were spot on there. I am SO happy with this new look and other people have told me it is beautiful too!

You are the world’s bestest sister eva

Love you madly!!

GIANT SLAYER

1 Sam 17 v 47: All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or by spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lords, and he will give all of you into our hands

No matter how big my “Goliath” may seem to me – God is SO much bigger and so much greater than anything I may be facing. The Battle is the Lords!! Plain ans simple. It has already been won for me. I will never lose my faith in Him for He has not once left me.

Like that song previously posted said about Him being there, when David faced Goliath. David must have been scared to death!!! But he was strong and he had power because he knew GOD WAS WITH HIM. And Abraham also knew that God had a reason and a purpose for everything and even as he and Isaac were going the place to offer a sacrifice and Isaac asked where the ram was Abraham told him God would provide for them. He knew that he knew that he KNEW in his heart of hearts that God would not forsake him.

I know that all things work together for the glory of God and when I face trials of many kinds and my faith is tested it develops perseverance (James 1v3). And perseverance must finish it's work so that I will be mature and complete and not lacking anything. I may not understand why things happen – but I know that I know that I KNOW that Greater is HE that is in me than he that is in the world.

Thank You Father for being there for me through everything. You are the Giant Slayer in me, and You are my comfort.
Amen

YOU'RE MY LITTLE GIRL

The ones you love they let you down,
and I want you to know that I’m sorry.
The choices that they made were wrong,
you were caught in the middle and I’m sorry.

So when the anger and the pain,
get the best of you,
I know it seems like your all alone
but I am feeling it too.

Cause you're my little girl
you're the one that I created.
No one in this world could ever be like you.
When you're crying in the night,
all you need to do is call me
and I’ll be there for you
cause you're my little girl.

When you're looking in the mirror
I hope you're liking what you see.
Cause no matter what you're feeling
you're perfect to me.

Cause I see you as a child
blameless in my sight.
Just spend some time with me
and I’ll make everything alright.

Cause you're my little girl
you're the one that I created.
No one in this world could ever be like you.
When you're crying in the night,
all you need to do is call me
and I’ll be there for you
cause you're my little girl.

And I know you don't deserve
what you've bee through.
And I know it doesn't seem fair.
And I know that there are times you
think you're alone,
but you've got to know that I will be there.

Cause you're my little girl
you're the one that I created.
No one in this world could ever be like you.
When you're crying in the night,
all you need to do is call me
and I’ll be there for you
cause you're my little girl.

YOU WERE THERE...

I wonder how it must have felt
when David stood to face Goliath on that hill.
I imagine that he shook with all his might
till You took his hand and held on tight

Cause You were there, You were there
in the midst of dangers snare.
You were there, You were there – always.
You were there, when the hardest fight seemed so out of reach.
Oh You were there, You were always there
You were always there…

So there he stood upon that hill.
Abraham with knife in hand was poised to kill.
But God in all His sovereignty had bigger plans,
and just in time He brought the ram.

Cause You were there, You were there
in the midst the unclear.
You were there, You were there – always.
You were there, when things seemed to not make sense.
Oh You were there, You were always there
You were always there!

Haven’t I learned that my ways
aren’t as high as Yours are?
And You alone keep the universe from crumbling into dust.
You are God and though we would not have understood You,

There You were…

Hanging blameless on a cross.
You would rather die, than leave us in the dark.
Every moment, every planned coincidence
just all made sense, with Your last breath.
You were there, You were there
during history’s darkest hour.
You were there, You were there – always.

You were the victor in the king!
You were the power in David’s sling!
You were the calm in Abraham!

You are the God who understands!
You are the strength when we have none!
You are the living Holy one!

You were, You are and You will always be
The Risen Lamb Of God!!
(by Avalon)

When I look back on the last six months of my life and what I have come through, when I faced my Goliath. When things were so unclear and so scary. When I was in the midst of danger - He was there. He was there through it all. He was my power, my calm and my strength and He is my victory. I look back and I can see where my God carried me through.

He was ALWAYS there.

VICTORY - BY THE POWER OF JESUS' NAME!

V - I - C
V - I - C
V - I - C - T - O - R – Y
VICTORY, VICTORY IS OUR CRY !!!
V - I - C - T - O - R – Y !!

Once again I am just so blown away by God’s faithfulness and by His awesome power! This week I experienced His power and the power of prayer so powerfully that I feel like I am just about ready to burst!

We had the most awesome victory over lies and deception and the enemy – The Father of Lies that I can just picture him tucking tail and running for cover. And feeling like such a fool for thinking he could ever prevail!

I cannot go into detail, but I can say I am praising him with tears and laughter and joy and testimony because of what He did this week. And all Glory goes to Him. He is the all knowing, all powerful, ever present God and I will never stop praising Him.

Thank You Jesus for the territory we claimed in Your Mighty Name this week. Thank You Holy Spirit for giving strength, courage, and power of the supernatural kind when it was needed most. Thank You Father for Your unfailing love and for Your forgiveness – the Agape love with which we are able to love even our enemies. And Your Agape love which allows us to forgive even the hardest things.

I am so amazed and so humbled by the wonderful POWERFUL victory that we took in His name. And I can only give Him all the glory for no one else is worthy of Glory and Honour and Praise!

Praise You Jesus, Son of God,
King and Kings,
And Lord of ALL!!!!

HALELUJAH !!!!!!
(yes I am shouting that!!)

HE IS ALWAYS FAITHFUL

Once again I was dragged before the image of myself and I was shown again that I am clothed in filthy rags...

Last weekend a group of ladies from my church and other relating churches got together for a wonderful weekend called “Cherish, You are remarkable” and I received such clear confirmation from the Lord there about my future and I was so excited and so moved by it all that I didn’t even realize that I was allowing myself to be attacked.

Some stuff happened on Sunday and I immediately allowed my mind and my heart to stand wide open to attack – for a whole week this went on. Right up until Thursday evening. And even then I didn’t realize that I was being attacked. Then yesterday God showed me and He said that if anyone is a threat to my happiness it was ME!!

Me without faith is deadly.

I hope this makes sense, but basically He took what I was seeing as the problem and turned it right over so that the spotlight fell on me and I could see I was the problem.

You see I have asked for His protection of my family and my husband and I have given my children and my husband and my family and my marriage over into His hands – but did I trust Him to do what I had asked? Hmpf! No way!! I freaked out and panicked and left my heart and my mind completely unprotected and open to a huge spiritual attack.

You see fear is the dark room where negativity is developed. And I was completely overcome with fear and confusion. It was so silly actually, but I let it happen because of my lack of faith. And last night I had to ask God to forgive me for not believing in Him. And for forgetting that He will not allow any harm to come to me or any of my family.

How human we are, how insignificant and silly we are. Thank God that when we have no faith He remains faithful – eternally.
Father Your word says that I have not been given a spirit of fear but a Spirit of Power. Teach me Lord how to keep walking in Your light and with You. For it is only in You that I can overcome ALL things. Keep my mind sharp Lord. Give me wisdom and discernment to know when I am facing a full on attack from the enemy so that I can call on you in those times and not sink into a hole of fear and darkness and confusion. I never want to be blind sided like that again Lord. I want to be always aware and ready to raise up my shield and ward off any attack that the enemy may bring.

Thank you for never leaving me when my faith was weak. Thank you for showing me the truth Lord and help me Lord to never forget what I have learned here today.

MY MOM...

When I think of a Mother, my Mother I picture a woman who nurtures and loves. She longs to protect her children from the world, yet she is always training them to one day let go. She loves tenderly with hugs or a gentle touch, a little text message telling how much she loves and how proud she is. A warm welcoming home that will always be home to a daughter no matter how old she is or how long she has lived in her own home. Someone always smiling and laughing. She has a heart vast and glorious and her eyes reflect a love that is measureless, and unconditional when you take the time to look into them. And in her eyes you will see grace and strength. She is a woman who clings to Jesus, with a heart enlarged by all she has endured with and through her children. Sometimes dismissed and often judged and deeply wounded by a careless word. Yet her heart continues to love, to grow, to want only happiness for her precious children. She forgives all, and encourages forgiveness. She inspires her children to become people of integrity and virtue. She is Mother, she is Mom, Mamma, Moeder, Mum. She is Granny, Grandma, Nanna, Oumie. She embodies all that is life and she gives life. She is strong and mild, fierce and gentle. She is the heart of Christ, the Crown of Creation, and she’s mine!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY MOM!

I LOVE YOU

TAGGED FOR 7 THINGS

Kim over at Can You Hear Me? has tagged me to do this meme. I thought it was a good one to do and I haven't done a meme for so long that I got right into it!! But first here are the rules:

Each player starts with 7 random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their seven things, as well as these rules. You need to choose 7 people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they have been tagged and to read your blog!

Here is the meme:

7 things about me

1. I am a step mom to two boys, They live with my husband and I and visit with their mom a few times through the year.

2. I have a longing in my heart, soul, and the very deepest part of me to have another baby. A little girl. I try not to think about it too much cause I know we can’t have another baby now, but the longing is there for a little pink bundle.

3. The last time I felt broody I got a kitten from my Husband and it worked like a charm!! Now we are not allowed to have pets where we are staying so will just have to deal with this differently.

4. 7 is my favourite number!!!

5. I almost always have a sore neck from working on the computer all day long for 10 years now. It’s starting to be quite a nuisance

6. I love reading and just recently joined my churches book club. I love it! I will get to host it about once a year and we get together once a month and I am reading “Captivating” by Stasi & John Eldredge as well as “The Pleasures of God” by John Piper, both are amazing and I definitely recommend them.

7. I wish I could be a stay at home mom. That way I would be able to be there for my kiddos and they would not have to go to aftercare. I would be able to help them with homework and activities and just spend more time with them. I know they would benefit from it as much as I would.

I tag Angel, NMOTB, Bunny Girl, Karen, Gail, Terri and Dawn!!

Have fun Gals!!!