A Gentle and Quiet Spirit

MY INTERVEIW

Well, I asked Terri to interview me and in my honest opinion she did a very good job of it. (And thanks for writing such neat stuff about me Terri!) Before I started blogging hers was one of the blogs I would visit daily. I became very fond of her and I love the way she writes. She writes a killer short story too, here is a link to her site if you haven't been there yet: http://www.terriweb.blogspot.com
Terri's blog has become a daily fix for me and I feel honored to be interviewed by her. So with out any further ado - here it is:

Question 1:
It's proving quite difficult to come up with questions for you, because you're so open about yourself on your blog. You have a husband who makes you happy, children you adore and parents and siblings you obviously love dearly. You seem to be happy in yourself. In fact, you seem to have the perfect life - one you are completely content with. Is this an accurate reflection or do you have regrets, or things you would change if you could?

1) In a nutshell, yes I am happy – now. It has not always been this way, but I believe that God can take any unhappy situation and turn into something positive. Regrets I have are that I know I have caused pain in peoples lives and that things said and done cannot ever be unsaid or undone. But as I said before – I think I said it before - regret is something you need to learn to leave behind. And that is what I try very hard to do. I am happy in myself, now. And I am confident in my husbands love for me too. We are good together.

Question 2:

This sort of relates to question 1, but not quite... How did you picture your life as a grown-up when you were young? Is it very different now to what you wanted for yourself when you were a kid?

2) When I was young I pictured myself as a rock star!! Up on stage with an audience of thousands – no millions!! All singing along to my music and cheering etc!! So, I guess you could say it is very different to where I am now. I still dream of being on stage – I guess I always will.

Question 3:

OK we've had one on the present and one on the past, so let's have one for the future. Do you envisage any big changes in your future? For want of a better phrase - where do you see yourself in 10 years' time?

3) You know, I would love to be touring the world with my husband and family taking God's Word to people everywhere! I love to share about God and what He has done in my life and I can see myself “preaching” His word in many different countries. And if it is in His plan for my life, then that is what I will probably be doing.

Question 4:

You live in Centurion which is in Jo'burg if my geography doesn't deceive me. From my point of view - having lived out of the country for almost 5 years now - South Africa has changed enormously in recent years and is continuing to change rapidly. How do you feel about South Africa? Have the changes made a big impact on your life, and if so, in what way? Do you think circumstances will ever prompt you do make any major life changes like moving away from Gauteng, or even away from South Africa?

4) Just a correction there Terri – Centurion is right behind the Boerewors* Curtain. We are in Pretoria, the last city you hit before Midrand. I love S.A! I am positive about the changes that are occuring, but the unemployment and the crime rate is still extremely high and that is disheartening. Afrimative Action is also still strong and as a result young white males cannot find work here – it is a worry having 3 sons, but I trust that they will be blessed with work, maybe they will live abroad and work in other countries too. I am happy in Centurion, but if, for whatever reason, we find we need to make a move I will move – I am not afraid of change. If it comes to leaving S.A, I am not closed to that option either – I just don’t think I will ever leave S.A permanently, maybe for a few years and then return again. Home is, afterall, where your heart is.

* This is an Afrikaans term used to describe Centurion and Pretoria by people in Jo'burg.

Question 5:

Ah, you thought you'd got away with it, didn't you? Yes, Spookie, it's The One You Don't Really Know If You Want To Answer. After lulling you into a false sense of security, I'm going to get personal. Because really, there's only one personal question I have to ask you: Will you tell us the story about how you met your husband? I know he was married when you met him and I know this causes you to feel guilty sometimes. You have also mentioned in one of your posts that your early relationship with your stepchildren was a bit difficult. How did they come to live with you? OK I know this is a multi-part question but it's all the same theme so I'm hoping you'll humour me.

5) Sneaky hey. Ok, here goes – you comfy? Good.

We met at work. I was working at a 1 hour photo lab and he came to work there too. We hit it off immediately – there was definitely a spark, an electricity right from day one. But I knew he was married and so we became very good friends – sharing everything with each other. His marriage was in turmoil and they were both very unhappy. He did not even speak to his wife anymore. They had been married for 3 years and had a son – Marke, and she was pregnant again, with Sean. One day without even thinking about what I was saying I just blurted out that if he was so miserable why not get a divorce? Anyway, our friendship grew and I fell in love with him, I think he fell in love with me then too – I am not sure. I found another job in randburg at the same time and moved there. I was there for nine months and he would come out and see me every weekend, his wife had moved to Nelspruit. I couldn’t believe I was having an affair with a marrried man – I even sent him away once and told him I couldn’t do it. The guilt and shame was just eating me up inside. I even told my mother about him so that she wouldn’t hear it from someone else, like the people I had worked with before. She knew, right from the start that he was the one. It was a very difficult relationship, I cried alot cause I was so torn between love and guilt. And then when Sean was born and My husband went to go and see him I was prepared – I thought – for the fact that he might decide to stay with his wife and children. He didn’t though and their divorce came through a wile later. And about 4 or 5 months later I moved back to Centurion.
I still live with the regret and guilt of the pain I cause in her life. I cannot imagine what she was going through being pregnant and all. My husband and all of his family have told me that I was not the reason they got divorced and have told me that their marriage would never have lasted anyway cause they didn't love each other. He married her cause she was pregnant. I do believe them, but a part of me will always bear the guilt.
For reasons that I will not go into Hubby got custody of the boys. Their mom just isn’t stable or strong enough emotionally or otherwise to raise two boys on her own. She visits often and they visit her and she and I get along well.

I guess I never told this before cause I know of so many men who left their wives for other women – and even if people say my situation was different, it doesn’t make the fact that I was “the other woman” any less painful a label to wear.
What I did was SO not like me, but my mom says that if it was not meant to be and if we were not intended for each other, things would not be going as well as they are now – and we would never have been as happy as we are.
My early relationship with my stepchildren was very rocky and I made many screwups, but I think it was because I was very young – 22, and I had no idea what being a full time mom was all about. Suddenly I had two small children in my home – 18 months and 4 years old and my lifestyle took a HUGE change. I had no more late nights partying away cause I had to be up early and make sure the boys got breakfast and changed nappies and watch them – you can’t leave two small children to their own devices. Sometimes I felt like a hired nanny and I resented my husband for working weekends and leaving us alone all weekend and my temper would flare and the boys would be the ones to bare the brunt of it. When I had Donovan, all that changed, slowly – something changes inside you when you have a child and I was suddenly aware of what mothering was all about. It is not just making food and washing dishes and clothes etc – it is so much more. And if I could go back – I would go back and redo those years and spend more time loving and less time worrying and working at loving.


Phew! thanks for that Terri – it has helped to get that all out in the open. I just hope other women out there who have experinced the pain of divorce wont judge me too harshly.

These were great questions – I hope I did them justice.

And thank you for being so special Terri.

Ok, here are the "Interview Game" rules:

If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying, "interview me".

I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's questions will be different.

You will update your own journal/blog with the answers to the questions.

You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.

When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will then ask them their own five questions.

And so on and so on.