A Gentle and Quiet Spirit

A LESSON LEARNED.

One important lesson I have learned in life is to try to live your life so that you don't have regrets. Not easy, I know, trust me I know. But one thing I try to teach my children and young women who come to me with questions or seeking advice is that they shouldn't do things they are going to regret - or at least try. I tell them this because no-one ever told me these things. No-one ever really warned me that regret and hasty decisions are a heavy burden to carry and to live with.

I mean, face it, there is nothing you can do about regret. You just have to live with it. I am not saying that I have never made a wrong decision or a mistake, believe me - I have made the worst mistakes you can imagine. And some of them I have learned to get over, but others I really still battle with and berate myself for doing.

I say try to live your life in such a way that when you look back on your life as an adult you don't sigh and say "I wish I hadn't done that, or said that, or behaved like that". We have to live with the consequences of our decisions and so we must make them wisely. I asked the Lord for wisdom, if I could have one gift from Him, I want wisdom. Wisdom in the words I use to talk to people, in the way I behave around people, in the way I raise my children - and that is the most important one. I will be held accountable one day for my children and if I have not taught them about God and His saving power then I will be held accountable. But if I have done everything I can to teach them and show them and they choose to reject Him anyway, well then they will be held accountable for their own decisions.

I will also never judge someone for the mistakes or decisions they have made in their lives because if they have regret about what they have done, that is more than they need to deal with. One doesn't need someone saying "you shouldn't have" or "you could have" or "I would have" or what ever. Why rub someones nose in their screw-ups when the regret thay have to carry is more than they want to live with, why should they feel judged too.

We all mess up - BIG TIME - at one time or another, it is about whether or not you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going and learn from you mistake or whether you decide to throw in the towel and curl up in a corner and become a sticky mess of self pity and self loathing because of what you have done. I know the latter is often the more appealing option, but it will not get you anywhere and you will never learn anything.

I do know that you can never take back an action or a word - and this is where wisdom comes in. Say every word and take every action after careful thought, yes it is possible to think before you speak - try to be disciplined in the words you choose because what you say could make or break another person. The same with our actions - it is possible too, to think before you act "look before you leap". If we all try harder to put these things into action, what a happy world we could be living in hey? And please don't hear what I am not saying, it is impossible - because we are human to get this right all the time, but when we really try hard, we can get it right most of the time and then our regrets will be far less.

See these verses:

Colossians 4:6 Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. (ESV)

James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. (ESV)

James 1:19 - 20 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires. (ESV)

Proverbs 15:4 Kind words heal and help; cutting words wound and maim. (MSG)