I have been backsliding a lately, I have been slipping back into old ways and thought patterns. I was ashamed, not before man - but before God. This weekend again I slipped back without even a thought of what I was doing. And the whole time afterwards I felt marked, dirty and unclean. I felt embarrassed at losing myself to worldly things as I did - especially as a Christian who wants to live life according to God's ways. Now I know that to most people having a few drinks and getting a little drunk now and then is not that serious, maybe even something that is acceptable. The thing is though, I have been convicted by the Holy Spirit (quite a long time ago) regarding alcohol and I know that the Bible says one should not get drunk on wine (alcohol) but on the Spirit of God (I am not exactly sure of the wording there). And I am not writing this post to get sympathy or to get an "it's ok" from anyone. I am writing this because it has been on my heart and because I feel led by the Spirit to share this with you. Maybe there is someone who needs to hear this - I don't know what God's reasons are for asking me to write this testimony.All I know is last night I could not sleep until I had gone on my knees before my God and asked Him to forgive me for slipping back, to create in me a clean heart (the prayer David prayed) and to strengthen me against temptation. And I know that He has heard my prayer and forgiven me and cleansed me. And I know that I need not justify or explaine myself to anyone but God - I just feel that as a person who holds her faith and her God so high in her life, and to whom other people often look for an example, I have not been a very good one lately. I know we all fall short and make mistakes, and I am so thankful that I have a God who loves me no matter what and who has forgiven me and cleansed me.
I guess what I am trying to say is, everyone has a moment where they slip back into old ways or thoughts, and for everyone it is something different. What is so amazing is the forgiveness we already have in Jesus, He loves and forgives us no matter what. And for that I am grateful. Eternally grateful.
I feel like I am just babbling senselessly here so I will stop now, but I urge you if you are feeling convicted in your heart because of something you did which you know is not right before the Lord (remembering there is no in between, no grey area in God's eyes) then call on Him right now for forgiveness and ask him to create a clean heart in you too. He will forgive you - I can promise you that!
